I was caught in a vortex. A vortex of negative thoughts that lead to me transforming into the laziest being I had ever been in my life.
Sure, I thought about posting every day. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not because I was busy, or I had other productive things to be doing. That wasn’t the case at all. I let self-doubt and negative thinking debilitate me from doing something I once loved.
First, I just thought I wasn’t motivated enough. I began scouring the internet for new blogs and people to gain some inspiration. But that always ended in one of two ways:
- me comparing myself to others and feeling inadequate, then binge watching hulu or netflix
- or me just skipping the pity party all together and binge watching hulu or netflix.
And even when I did muster up enough inspo to power through, each motivational thought turned into two new negative thoughts.
“That’s be really cool to write about…”
“No one is going to read it, who cares?”
“What do you even know about that?”
Somehow my thought just turned into Papa Pope yelling at me.
But then one day, I decided to leave my own pity party. It just got too heavy. I got to the source of where all these negative thought were coming from. I knew deep down, I didn’t truly feel these things about myself. I was just allowing negative thoughts to magnify small insecurities into giant roadblocks to the life I love.
I was letting the negative win.
Here’s and excerpt for RuPaul’s book Workin’ It:
“Negativity is basically laziness. It takes a lot of hard work to remain positive, but positivity always pays off. This is where stepping outside yourself becomes important. Retrace the path that led you awry and it will lead directly to The Saboteur, your inner critic, aka your ego mind. The Saboteur has been practicing a strenuous workout regimen your whole life, but it’s never too late to counterbalance it with positive musculature.”
Excerpt From: RuPaul. “Workin’ It!.” iBooks. https://itun.es/us/r6SFv.l
It definitely takes work to stay positive. And it’s not always easy for me, but I’ve become passionate about the power of where our thoughts take us. The difference is almost immediate when you focus on the light instead of turning to the shadows. I’ve compiled a few steps to abandoning self-defeating thoughts that hold us back.
Recognize Negative Thinking Patterns
Take a moment to recognize negative thought patterns as they come. Negative thought patterns are unproductive, negative thoughts that have no purpose other than perpetuating negative emotions. It’s as simple as constantly imagining and expecting bad things to come. Only thinking of what you do not have instead of what you do have. Negative thought patterns contribute to self-doubt because instead of putting your best foot forward, you are most likely unnecessarily focused on all the bad that mostly will never even happen.
Realize You’re Not the Only One:
Everyone Goes Through It
Even Beyonce. Yep, I said it, even Beyonce has been a victim of self-doubt. Beyonce revealed in 2013, she was terrified to release her now worshipped self-titled visual album “Beyonce”. She told fans via Instagram: “I was terrified. I was so scared. I already envisioned like the worst things that could happen. I was really nervous because this was a huge risk.” The difference is Queen Bey, powered through the fear, and released one of the most ground-breaking projects the music industry has seen by trusting and believing in herself. While, we all can’t be Beyonce, of course…bummer. We can learn to accept our own doubts and fears for what they are, and realize everyone, even the most confident of people, go through some form of self-doubt.
Become Mindful of your thoughts:
Replace the Negative with Love and Positivity
Once you become aware of your own negative thinking patterns, try to catch them as they come. Remember when Mother Ru told us that being positive is hard work? Well this is where the work begins. Become a watcher of your thoughts. Mediate or even start journaling your thoughts. Once you begin to recognize the negative thoughts and self-criticism as they come, stop them in their tracks. Refocus your attention on the positive aspects of a situation. This is much easier said than done, especially when negativity has become a habit. But everything comes with practice. Even positive thinking.
Even more work begins once you stop to find where these negative thoughts are coming from. What’s the source? Is it your own voice in your head or others? Both? Once you can dig deep and find that source, real change can start to happen.
Find Your Tribe
Don’t be afraid to seek support from others
No man’s an island. Even when you feel alone, there are plenty of people in your life who love and support you. I know from experience how hard it can be to open up to others about insecurities, but identify someone you can trust and release the negative feeling you are having. Surround yourself with positive people, who are a fan of you. Yes, you! Your fans are all around you. Friends, family, and distant admirers you probably don’t even know you have.
That came out creepy, and I stand by it. Nurture those relationships, and encourage each other.
And even if that’s not an option, seeking professional help is totally acceptable. I know personally, venting to an objective ear always gives me a sense of relief. For me, saying the words out loud to someone else usually brings me so much clarity than when I’m drowning in my own thoughts.
Focus on your own strengths and build
Stop comparing yourself to others
Stop that. Immediately.
It’s ok to admire someone else’s work, but sometimes that can triple our own insecurities when we try to see how we measure up to others. Feelings of inadequacy can creep in when we put our own negative spin on admiration. Everyone is on their own journey. That’s the thing to remember. Remember that what you have to give the world is beautiful and what someone else is giving the worlds just a beautiful, too.
Make a list of your strengths, and all the things that make you unique then build on those. Comparison is so crippling sometimes, and I often catch myself holding back what I have to give, all because I allow myself to believe it doesn’t measure up to someone else. But instead of focusing all my energy into why I’m not the next person, I have to reroute that vibration into what I have to offer.
I hope some of thing I offered here are helpful in any way. What are some of your positive thinking methods? I’m so interested in finding how others vanquish their own self-doubt.